anxiety

i'm a little bit overwhelmed at work - i've been making normal, healthy choices all day (an apple, a cup of coffee with some half and half, about 3/4 of a trader joe's ready-made salad...and ok, one small bite of green tea flavored pinkberry) but i'm having this feeling in the pit of my stomach...

i'm anxious about failing at work - our big annual conference, 3500 people strong, is one month away. we're down to the wire on a lot of aspects, many of which i'm responsible for, and my stomach is in knots over it. i want comfort, i want familiar and secure. and it's not that i want to eat right NOW, it's the idea of going home in three hours and overeating (and/or eating unhealthfully) that creeps into my mind.

i have a gym appointment with my trainer* tonight, so that puts a check-mark in the NOT overeating column. having something to do after work and minimizing the time i'm home alone in my apartment helps, plus the post-workout endorphins will alleviate a lot of the stress i am currently sitting with.

so this is that feeling: the anxiety, the fear, that makes me turn to something comforting. so here's where i substitute the food with something else? something else familiar, secure? i don't know what that is right now, but i'm trying to just sit with the anxiety, not make any moves in any direction, but feel it, hold it, ruminate, before i do anything.



*another activity that often causes me anxiety, even though i know it's good for me and i'm happy i'm doing it. but that's probably best for another post.