Sunday, December 9, 2012


((then i absolutely did not keep up with the food writing. the dinners got worse, the breakfasts and lunches have stayed about the same.))

for weeks (more than a month now) my therapist has been urging me to go to overeaters anonymous. she's boiled my junk (emotional issues, shortened) down to food addiction. that's probably being a little general, but we'll go with it for now. i'm not making this the war and peace of blog posts.

here's what's been on my mind.

i compulsively overeat most nights, and often on weekends when i'm home by myself for several hours.  - that in and of itself is a big step for me, admitting the compulsive nature of my relationship with food. i can understand that, i can work with that.

i understand coping with food. i get it, i know i do it, and i don't WANT TO anymore. i know when i do it, and i know why i do it. but an addict? that has such a gravitas to it that i don't accept for myself. in my mind, an addiction is a 24/7 thing, despite the rest of that person's life happening around them. does that  make me a functioning addict? an addict-lite?

i'm genuinely trying to understand how i can best help myself, but i'm having a hard time with the word addict - so many of the programs i've researched model themselves after AA, or any of the other "anon" programs.  i have a great job at which i've been promoted, i have my own apartment, a car, great friends and family - is this being defensive or just factual? if coping with food is my addiction, i can understand that but i can't understand or accept being an addict as it relates to those other programs. and if i can't understand or accept being an addict as it relates to those other programs, THROUGH those programs, then what am i supposed to do?

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