it's 7pm on saturday. i ate a good breakfast, and after my outing with a friend, chose a healthy lunch (salad from noodles and company), and then came home around 4:30pm. these last few hours have been tough. i had about a cup of grapes, and then a full piece of trader joe's naan with a trader joe's paneer tikka masala frozen meal. the naan and the tikka masala was definitely more caloric than i have really been eating this week. i feel a little bit like i failed, because i could have chosen some chicken and asparagus, or a salad with some chicken, ie; something much healthier.
and if i'm trying to abide by this whole "abstinence" idea, the white bread and rice doesn't really fit into that.
do i pat myself on the back for not ordering delivery? for not diving headfirst into the candy cane jojo's? (i believe that's the third trader joe's food item i've mentioned in one post..i really like trader joe's, compulsive eating aside)
i'm trying to do my best now to accept - to accept my meal choice, to accept the weird feelings i'm having from wanting to keep eating. it's like i'm uncomfortable, or anxious, or there's this bit of panic because i'm at home, i'm watching tv, and that's it - shouldn't i be eating? it's what i do when i'm at home. i'm comfortable, i'm by myself, i can relax. but having to really be mindful and mentally/emotionally *work* at something, that can be hard to do.
luckily this "too cute!" marathon on animal planet is really helping. adorable puppies and kittens are quite distracting, as it turns out.