weekend

so i suppose this is the first real challenge. my kryptonite - being at home. all weekend. i have plans with a friend this afternoon so that'll keep me busy for a while, but this evening and all day tomorrow, that is going to be the challenge.

what do i do with myself? okay, i know the real answer: anything! go to the gym, read my kindle, take a nap, work on the crocheted scarf i've been working on for almost two years (yes, seriously), perhaps do a little christmas shopping, clean my apartment. those are all options. and in the course of a weekend i can really do all of those things.

but i want to just watch tv and eat whatever i want.

i'm going to do my best to be mindful.

*

there have been moments this week when i've had the opportunity to eat something sugary, or let loose and get something wholly unhealthy, and i didn't.

last night i met my friends at a mall to see the hobbit, opening night. we were waiting in line and taking shifts to go have a quick meal at tgifriday's. very few things on that menu are under 1000 calories. it was around 7pm, and i hadn't eaten in about 6 hours, and work had been particularly mentally exhausting. i was struggling. i ended up choosing one of the "under 750 calories" dishes and was proud of myself, and it did taste good. and i left some on my plate.

i made the choice to get something healthy, even though the comfort and familiarity that comes with eating a burger or some dish with lots of fat (aka deliciousness) was SO tempting. a part of me still even feels a little pang, a little flash of disappointment that i chose something healthy.

*

that's obviously the compulsive eater part of me. and it's okay that she's there. she's been there for god knows how many years, and she won't go away after only like 5 days of mindful eating.

i'm going to embrace her and accept her. for today at least.